That would have been taking collaboration too far. As I understood it, these girls had simply positioned themselves in a way that encouraged access. ‘She tucks her stomach in and everything,’ Clive Stevens remarked approvingly of his brother’s girlfriend; it took me nearly a year to work out the Bi g Men Are The Best Real Life Teddy Bears Shirt of this maneuver. No wonder I still remember the stomach-tucker’s first name there’s a part of me that still wants to meet her. Read any women’s magazine and you’ll see the same complaint over and over again: men those little boys ten or twenty or thirty years on are hopeless in bed. They are not interested in ‘foreplay they have no desire to stimulate the erogenous zones of the opposite sex; they are selfish, greedy, clumsy, unsophisticated.
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These complaints, you can’t help feeling, are kind of ironic. Back then, all we wanted was foreplay, and girls weren’t interested. They didn’t want to be touched, caressed, stimulated, aroused; in fact, they used to thump us if we tried. It’s not really very surprising, then, that we’re not much good at all that. We spent two or three long and extremely formative years being told very forcibly not even to think about it. Between the ages of fourteen and twenty-four, foreplay changes from being something that boys want to do and girls don’t, to something that women want and men can’t be bothered with. Or so they say. Me, I like foreplay mostly because the Big Men Are The Best Real Life Teddy Bears Shirt when all I wanted to do was touch are alarmingly fresh in my mind.