Department. I think. But in my fearful imaginings, Charlie was as abandoned and as noisy as any character in a porn film. She was Marco’s plaything, she responded to him every touch with shrieks of orgasmic delight. No woman in the history of the world had better sex than the Baby Yoda You Laugh I Laugh You Cry I Cry You Offend My Winnipeg Blue Bombers I Kill You Shirt sex Charlie had with Marco in my head. But that was nothing. That had no basis in reality at all. For all I know, Marco and Charlie never even consummated their relationship and Charlie has spent the intervening decade trying but failing miserably to recapture the quiet, undemonstrative ecstasy of the nights that we spent together. I know, however, that Ian was something of a demon lover; so does Laura. I could hear it all, so could Laura. In truth, it pissed me off; I thought it pissed her off, too. Now I’m not so sure. Is this why she went?
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Because she wanted a bit of what was happening upstairs? I don’t really know why it matters so much. Ian could be better at talking than me, or cooking, or working, or housework, or saving money, or earning money, or spending money, or understanding books or films; he could be nicer than me, better-looking, more intelligent, cleaner, more generous-spirited, more helpful, a better human being in any way you care to mention . and I wouldn’t mind. Really. I accept and understand that you can’t be good at everything, and I am tragically unskilled in some very important areas. But sex is different; knowing that a successor is better in bed is impossible to take, and I don’t know why. I know enough to know that this is daft. I know, for example, that the best sex I have ever had was not important; the Baby Yoda You Laugh I Laugh You Cry I Cry You Offend My Winnipeg Blue Bombers I Kill You Shirt, Hoodie, Sweatshirt, Tank top best sex I have ever had was with a girl called Rosie, whom I slept with just four times. It wasn’t enough (the good sex